This information on this page is written for a Professional Dom, switch or sub audience. You will notice that is a bit different than the way private sessions are "put together". You need to remember that in private, personal sessions, you need to build a fair amount of trust long before doing a session with someone, probably through personal references or a series of dates or meetings. As a Professional, you need to establish the wants or needs of the client do the session and aftercare, all within a one to two hour time frame.
Before turning professional, ask yourself why you are doing this. If it is for the money, you will be successful for a while. In the long run, however, you will be doing yourself and your client a disfavor. After a while, you will come to despise yourself and your clients.
If you are serious about this, visit a local sessions house. Spend a day with the people who work there. Ask them why they do it, and how much money they really make. The costs of "turning professional" tend to be quite high.
When placing ads, be very clear what you will and will not do in the session environment: avoid using phrases like "guarantee" or "satisfaction". If you are going to use a photo, use a recent, unretouched photograph: truth in advertising is VERY important. I, personally, would rather be pleasantly surprised than suffer a major letdown. Also, remember that a photo when printed or placed on the web is going to be reasonably small and not show a lot of detail.
Having your session calls pointed to a cell phone number allows you a certain amount of freedom to go shopping, whatever, between sessions
I would like to add a couple of important thoughts here. He will probably be married, so he will want to keep his session life private and secret. If they were young and good-looking, they probably join/visit a local club and not be involved in private sessions. About the only people who will be able to afford professional services are older, working gentlemen. He will probably be driving a fairly nice, newer car. It will be important that his car and personal possessions be safe.
You clients will be sharing a secret and very private part of their life. They will open up to you and disclose secrets that don't share with wife, girlfriend, buddy, lawyer, priest or local bartender.
You will probably be charging one to two hundred dollars per hour. That is probably more than money than your client makes in a day. Since he is giving up a days wages, make his hour with you special. If he is very, very rich, they will probably have a special person they have groomed to be involved with: they don't usually go to session houses.
The "Rule of The Five W's" was established by William Randolph Hearst to make sure that his staff reporters provided all the information relating to a story.
Using them, a 'Session' is defined as a pre-negotiated series of:
- Who - is going to be involved in the session? At BackDrop, we use the client’s first name; but instead of last name, we use their date of birth to protect the clients privacy.
- What - is going to be done to whom and by whom? Are there limits as to what can be done? Do they have any special costume requests? If they want (to do) something you that don't, tell them so. Referring him to someone else will make you two friends: a client who will call when they want the same things you do (clients desires do change) and the person who actually did the session, who will then refer clients back to you!
- Where - are you going to do the session, with pre-established, spatial boundaries? Do they have any physical limitations (Wheel chairs do NOT like second story session spaces!)
- Why - are we doing this session? What are the motives involved? Discuss pricing, etc.
- When - does the session start and when will it end?
( I built a long form "Session Negotiating Questionnaire". Jay Wiseman built on it to create one of his own in "SM-101". "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" also has a negotiation form. If you can't find either book and would like to have one sent to you via the 'Net, send me an email - Contact info is below.
If you feel comfortable with all of the potential clients answers, have your client go to a specific landmark that you know quite well, a McDonalds, Starbucks, etc, and have the client call you back about fifteen minutes before the session is supposed to start.
A few minutes before the session is to start, your client should make a second call to confirm their appointment. Give them your actual address and instructions to get there. (This also means if the client does not make the second call, they still will not have your address.) Include any special parking instructions; how to enter your building, etc.
If you use a cell phone, the confirmation call allows you time to return in time to greet your client in person. (As a client, if I am told to wait a the corner of "Walk' and 'Don't Walk" and wait for our van to pick you up WILL be a deal breaker.)
If they have made costuming requests, you might want to start putting them together. Do not change yet, but have them "at the ready".
When the client enters our place, we have the client and the person doing the session sit in "the quiet room". It is a private space to talk over last minute requests; what are the safewords for the session; and reiterate house rules (no sex etc) and anything else of importance.
We have our clients sign a session card stating they are an adult; not under the influence of drugs or alcohol; and they are not carrying any contraband.
Always meet and greet your client in "street legal" clothing. If it is a simple clothing change, you might do that while before taking the client to the session room. If they have any elaborate or special clothing or costuming requests, you might have them act as "Your Maid" and help you change clothing as the first part of the session.
I like the idea of taking my client by the hand as we enter a session space. It gives them a little reassurance and is a guiding influence.
Once in the room, I have them kneel in a submissive position: head bowed, back straight and knees apart, with their back to the clock in the room. I then order them to remove whatever clothing I feel appropriate and tell them to place it in a very specific order on the floor or on a table. I ask them if they understand the order, and continue to ask them if they understand until they answer "Yes, Sir" or "Yes, Master". That is the point, to me, that the session actually starts, so I look over their shoulder at the clock and note the time.
I move about the room, "playing" with different toys in the room, watching my volunteer as they disrobe. Did they flinch when they heard a flogger? Did they smile when they heard a piece of chain rattle? When I open a drawer and remove a whip, did they look up from their position in apprehension? Once they have returned to the kneeling position, `I put one hand on the back of the neck while I gentle scratch their back. Do this lets me know how quickly marks appear (and disappear) on their back. My hand on their neck allows me to feel breathing patterns, and how they tense when I give an order.
Looking at how well they followed my orders about folding their clothes tells me how well they follow orders. Are they following orders or intentionally misbehaving?
The Session Space
You session rooms should be well-kempt. They don’t need to feel sterile unless you are doing medical play. They should be warm in temperature, light and sound.
A very wide selection of music should be available. A heavy staccato may be great for a whipping session, but for a massage, yuck!
Toys should be clean and easily found in dresser drawers. Labels on drawers remind me that I am on foreign ground: don't use them. Toys in clear plastic boxes are easy to find if they are categorized. Keep these boxes where they can be easily found but out of sight. A closet or under a bed is ideal: nearby, accessible but keeping the space uncluttered.
I, as a customer, don't watch the clock. I will, however, notice what time a session starts and ends. To me, one of the most annoying things in a session environment is the tick-tock sound of a clock reminding me that each twenty seconds is another dollar spent. I know that although I may be paying for the session, I don't want to be reminded. The second most annoying sound is the "house mother" reminding us that there are "only ten minutes left".
While some people might find the "Meta-Goth / Fetish" look exciting, and may turn some people on: it WILL scare the hell out of other people. Think about who your client is going to be. Design your session rooms to meet the needs of your clientele, not your personal artistic desires. Basic white rooms with several different colored light bulbs in lamps on dimmer switches give you a lot more flexibility.
Have a private, clean bathroom as close to the session room as possible. If you have to give them a map to the bathroom, it’s to far away. If you have to give them a key to the bathroom down the hall, it’s not private enough.
When a client decides to see you for a session, they are quite literally put their life in your hands. You should treat this act accordingly.
Never do a session in the building alone. Always have a backup!!
Avoid body fluid exchanges
I always remember a young lady I know saying, "Grabbing your client by the hair and doing a jujitsu take down is not foreplay." No matter what type of session you are going to do, remember that a warm up is ultra-important.
Think about who the client is, and why they are there. If you are dressed up in a black leather when he asked for a school girl or secretary outfit, you will not have a happy client.
A one hour session with warm-ups and cool downs, still leaves about a half hour to whatever the client wants. If he wants something you are not comfortable with, tell them before you start the session.
About fifteen minutes before the session is over, start cooling everything down. Think about what has not yet been done and see if there is still some way to incorporate it into the session without it feeling rushed and foreign like a forgotten step child.
The last five minutes of the session could be used to clean up the play space. Have the client help so they don’t feel like they are being punished for playing with your favorite toys.
Chances are your client will be married. The last thing he or she will want is to try to explain the lipstick stains on his collar. He might not be able to explain the aroma of your perfume, cigarette smoke or the smell of lavender from the candles in your session space. The smell of cannabis, wine, beer or scotch, or baby oil are dead give-aways that hubby stopped someplace on his way home from work.
- For the client
When the session is over, do a quick physical check over. Don't make a big deal of it, but just verify that the person who is leaving you is competent enough to walk or drive their car without assistance.
- Determine that your client is breathing normally. They may not be stressed physically, but mental stress can be a killer.
- Look into their eyes to determine if they are actually tracking a moving object.
- If they were in bondage, a quick touch to can verify has circulation has returned to their extremities.
Escort your client to back to the front door. If you say “Good night” in the session room, the client will feel like they have been “sent away”. A reassuring hand in hand walk will get you more repeat business than you could ever possibly know. Maintain an animated conversation while walking them to the door. Ask them what they liked in today’s session, what they disliked, what they would liked to have seen.
- For the sessions provider
You, as the provider, need a certain amount aftercare as well. If you run a sessions house, appoint one person each day (preferably on a rotating basis) and make sure that everyone knows who that person is. They should be available to talk privately with you about any problems that you may have had, and if all else fails, give you that "mental hug" that each of us need once in a while. If you work alone, build a support network of friends (possibly other providers?) that you can talk to who understand the physical and mental stresses that you undergo.
After the client has left the building, return to the session room and clean any surfaces that may have been used. Make sure you wipe the door knobs as well. Many colds can be traced to germs left on a door knob by someone passing through.
On the back of your session card, write any remarks about the today’s session. Include anything that might be important for future sessions. Any off-hand remark that they really liked a specific way that you did something should be noted.
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