Protocol:Formal Dinner

Although this article is about "Diplomatic Protocol Dinners", it is easily adapted to Master/slave and Leather Community formal dinners.

Could you tell me how to properly set a formal place setting?

It is impossible to properly set any place setting - formal, very formal or informal, unless you know what is being served. Once you know the menu, you can set the table. Keep in mind the following few "basics:"

• forks on the left, knives and spoons on the right
• dessert utensils rest horizontally above the dinnerplate
• solids on the left; beverages on the right
• serve on the left; clear from the right
• pass left to right (counter clock-wise)

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Please give me some helpful hints for proposing a toast at a formal dinner.

There are two types of toasts: The first is less formal and offered at the beginning of the dinner; the host may or may not stand, hold his/her glass up and, making eye-contact with as many people, as often as possible, welcoming everyone to the event/dinner. The second, more formal toast again is offered by the host who should rise and offer the toast typically to the person of honor who is seated to the right of the host.

Rule: one may never drink to one's self -- including at a wedding!

It is then the responsibility of the person of honor to rise, and graciously accept the lovely toast which has just been proposed in their honor. Other toasts and roasts may then follow.

What is the proper way to eat bacon? Fingers or fork.

The knife and fork should be used with bacon unless it is very crisp, it may be eaten with the fingers.

Should food be passed from a person's left hand and to the left or from a person's right hand and to the right.

Regarding passing at the table: the rule is, pass left to right; counter clockwise.

Regarding serving and clearing, the rule is: serve on the left, clear from the right.

When clearing, never stack the dishes, one dish in each hand .. even if it means several more trips also, never SCRAPE food onto one plate at the table.

Is it ever appropriate to cut your salad?

Ideally, salad ... the lettuce should be prepared so that one would not have to cut it however, this is not always the case and there does exist the salad fork .... and knife, for this purpose. Not all patterns nor all restaurants provide the salad knife. In the absence of the salad knife, it is acceptable to use the dinner knife to cut salad i.e.lettuce, cucumbers, etc.

What is the correct way to eat asparagus?

Americans typically cut asparagus with the fork and knife. In Europe, asparagus is eaten with the fingers. As we are now immersed in a global economy and encourage eating via both the American and Continental styles of dining, it would be acceptable to eat asparagus here in America, with your fingers knowing of course, that you are eating asparagus "European Style."

I would like to know the most appropriate way to handshake with a business colleague and also a new client ... are there different ways to handshake? Are there different methods for males and females?

There is really only one correct way to shake hands here in America: - connect the "v"; between the thumb and index finger of your left hand with the "v" between the thumb and index finger of your right hand --- one to two "pumps"; and make eye contact!

Note: a good firm grasp is key; avoid sweaty palms by washing hands thoroughly before the anticipated handshake, using soap and drying thoroughly. There is nothing worse than a clammy handshake - a clammy handshake is the "kiss of death"!

The person who initiates the handshake is generally the person in control - which is what you want.

I would like to know the differences of holding the knife and fork between Europeans and Americans.

American style: knife rests along the top of the plate, cutting edge facing you ... not the glasses; switch the fork from the left to the right hand and scoop - not stab, food up with the fork which is again, now in your right hand.

European style: after cutting, bring food in to your mouth with the left hand, tines down. Resting position: cross fork over knife, as with the shield.

Would you please advise me as to the placement of silverware following a meal to indicate if you are finished or not.

To indicate that you have finished, there is the Silent Service Code which, if you look at the plate as a clock, one would position your utensils in the 10:20 o'clock "I am finished" position. This is the silent signal to the waitron that indeed, you "have finished".

Note: tines are down if eating European and up, if eating American style. Also, the cutting edge of the knife should face inward toward you, not out, toward the glasses and finally, fork is closest to you and knife on the right side of the fork.

If one is dining at a restaurant and encounters a negative situation caused by the restaurant that forces one to lose one's appetite, what should one do? I refer to the cliched situation in which one finds a hair in one's food. Or, as is more common today, the sight of the waitress playing with her spike that has pierced her tongue. Most restaurateurs are more than accommodating when a customer encounters something like a hair or a bug in one's food/glass. They usually try to compensate guests by i.e. replacing the entire item and "comp" the meal or, if one's appetite is truly "ruined" might offer a gift certificate, etc. to return at another time.

In the case of the waitress playing with the spike which has pierced her tongue, I probably would avoid being seated in this restaurant to begin with if I noticed such a waitron... there are lots and lots of other restaurants!

What is appropriate for a guest to wear to a spring/summer wedding?

Ladies should wear light colors and natural fabrics for a daytime wedding. Glitters are reserved for evening weddings. Today, it is OK for a guest to wear a white/off-white suit or dress. The "little black cocktail dress" is always appropriate. Weddings are a perfect time to bring out all your best and favorite jewelry that you've been "saving for a special occasion"...this is it! Be careful not to over-do it however. When in doubt - Don't!

For men...light colored/khaki suits are acceptable during the day in the summer - a dark suit is always appropriate and never wrong, day or night, unless you are in warm climate..

What is the proper way to handle bread?; Is it OK to break it with your hands?

There is specific "bread etiquette" you may be interested to know about. First, it would be the responsibility of the person closest to the bread basket to take the basket and first help themselves. Then, they would hold the basket and offer to the person on their left and then their right, and then pass to the right. Regarding your concern about handling the bread, it is perfectly acceptable to take the bread with your hands and delicately separate it. Then break off a very small bite size piece, one at a time -- butter/oil (if desired) and eat, one at a time. Small pieces -- do not break off an amount which you find yourself eating two or three bites from.; You always want to be ready to respond to a question and contribute to table talk.

How do you properly address a former head of state?

"Head of State" in the USA is a Governor or the President. A leader in another country might be a president, prime minister, etc.

How to address a FORMER head of state

• Senators and Governors would retain their titles.
• House of Representatives would be "Mr./Ms."
• Heads of State - each embassy/country, may be different. Contact specific embassy.
• all others including presidents, do not retain their titles; they are "The Honorable" or in person "Mr./Ms."

When you are at a business dinner, what do you wear?

The classic little "black dress" is always appropriate, with sheer black hose and moderate height pumps - suede is a notch above leather; patent traditionally in the spring and summer months.

Don't forget accessories: the little black purse, which of course, will never rest on the table - if the dinner is at someone's home you would either leave it with your coat or carry it with you-never to be seen on the table. If you are at a restaurant, again, never on the table but rather behind you on the seat or, on the floor (for security purposes).

French nails are a lovely touch.

A colleague of mine put on her lipstick at the end of a recent business lunch; Was this OK?

It is NOT ok, nor is it appropriate for a woman to apply lipstick in a restaurant or at the dining table. This should be done in the restroom.

The only possible exception might be a "ladies luncheon" -- totally unrelated to business of any kind.

Should I write a thank-you note for an annual bonus I recently received?

If the bonus was part of the compensation package, a thank you note would NOT be necessary.

If the bonus was discretionary, a thank you note would not be REQUIRED; however, a simple walk into the person(s) office with a verbal thank you would suffice.

Two things to remember in general

It is never inappropriate to send a thank you note (unless you are thanking someone for a particularly extravagant "thank you."

The home is not the place to send a company-related (thank you) note.

Can you inform me of the proper way to use the utensils laid out on the dining table. Do you start from the outside and work your way in?

You read your place setting just like a map. The map will tell you where to go and what to expect next. Start from the outside and work your way in. Dessert fork and spoon are above your dinner plate. Solids on the left; (solids: salad, bread, butter, etc.) and liquids on your right; (liquids: water, wine, coffee, tea, etc.)

I am meeting a new client at their office, what should I do in the lobby when I first arrive?

When calling on a client, announce yourself and who you are there to see, time of appointment and present your business card to the receptionist to avoid confusion, name repetition, mispronunciation, etc.; Never be caught sitting, browsing through a magazine when your host greets you in the lobby; be standing, right hand free to shake hands; make eye contact.

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