Dungeon Etiquette

DUNGEON ETIQUETTE AND PROTOCOL

(Part One)

Many events or dungeons are open or available by invitation only. If you receive an invitation to attend an event it is customary to keep the information on the invitation private. Often the exact location of a facility is purposely kept private. If you are given directions to such a private facility you should maintain the privacy of those directions as well as any phone numbers or contact names that you may possess. If you are approached by someone requesting contact information without a personal reference, it is customary for you to forward their request directly to whoever is organizing the event and not place the unknown or non-referenced person into direct contact without prior permission from the host. Invitations are also kept private for organizational reasons. Some facilities can only host small numbers of guests comfortably and often it is impossible to invite all possible guests to attend. The host or hostess often must make selective choices as to the composition of the guest list. An invitation inadvertently divulged to someone, not in receipt of one may cause hurt feelings and divisions within the community.

Most privately hosted events or socials encourage the guests to bring suitable beverages (nonalcoholic) and finger food. Ask when you RSVP your invitation. It is also correct etiquette for a guest to bring a small token for the host or hostess to be offered to them at the time of entry (regardless if the guest is paying a fee to attend!) This is generally a gesture of respect as well as a polite thank you for the pleasure of the invitation itself. In addition, ask your host or hostess if there is any other service that you may be able to provide on the night of the event. Sometimes additional seating is helpful such as fold-out chairs and occasionally you may be asked to 'escort' a new person to the event and act on their behalf for the evening. You may also be asked to serve as a Dungeon Master or Mistress and if you are you should make plans to arrive early to take any final direction from the host or hostess.

It is customary for the 'doors' to open at a specific time and close at a specific time. Pay attention to this window of arrival time and be prompt. You may be barred out if you arrive late regardless if you have paid to attend in advance. If you know you will be outside of the arrival time window then notify your host or hostess well in advance (24-hour minimum) to see if an alternative entry arrangement is possible.

Cameras and all types of photography equipment are not allowed. You must have formal legal permission in writing to photograph a person in-scene as well as the same formal legal permission in writing of the host facility. In-scene photography presents real and present dangers to people in attendance and is usually only allowed for specific 'shoots' for magazines, books, or event advertisements. Private parties such as weddings often do have photographers present and you should ask your host or hostess if this is the case prior to attending if this concerns you.

Most dungeons do not allow the presence of a non-invited guest. If you receive an invitation and would like to bring someone who is not on the guestlist then ASK your host or hostess for permission. Many public dungeons have open nights where guests are invited to bring newcomers for demonstrations or workshops. Many BDSM organizations routinely organize events specifically for people new to the lifestyle, inquire of the organizations local to your area for such events calendars.

Most people in attendance at an event will use their first name or a known nickname. Identity is confidential. Do not offer your full identity, phone number, work information or feel compelled to divulge private information. Privacy is protected for all participants regardless of 'role'. If you meet someone outside of the scene at a later time do not use in-scene nicknames or present yourself with reminders of the event to them. Many people keep association with the community private and expect the same courtesy of others in the maintenance of that privacy.

Attire at an event is often specified in the invitation. In general, most guests are asked to arrive in suitable 'street' clothing with any toys stowed in a nondescript traveling bag, tube, or another suitable mundane container. Upon arrival, those bringing fetish clothing are often provided with an area to change clothing. If you do not have fetish wear then it is considered proper to wear black or dark clothing. Try to dress in comfortable clothing. If you are a female be aware that you may be required to stand for long periods of time and attend your footwear based on such requirements.

Be sure to inquire of your host or hostess of the house rules prior to attending the event. Often specific types of scening are forbidden and sexual contact is always off-limits unless specifically approved by the host or hostess in advance of the event.

(Part Two)

Scene etiquette is clear and unequivocal. Submissives in attendance or belonging to any Dominant are inviolate. It is not permissible for a collared submissive to be approached, spoken to, or touched by any other person without the explicit permission of their Dominant Master or Mistress. Any unapproved contact is considered to be highly offensive and such conduct may be sufficient for the offender to be bodily removed from the facility.

Alcohol and drugs impair the mind and senses. Alcohol and drugs have no place in scening as their usage may easily endanger the lives of submissives.

When a scene commences in your vicinity you should respectfully withdraw to a distance sufficient to allow the in-scene Dominant and submissive ample room to accomplish the scene without interference. You should never move into an ongoing scene and touch or involve yourself in any way with the submissive being scened. You should also be alert to the usage of various tools, toys, and equipment as their usage in tight space present a real danger of inadvertent contact for those not paying attention. Whips, crops and canes, and other toys can inflict devastating damage through accidental contact so protect yourself and your submissive by staying well clear in scene areas.

Every Dominant and submissive is expected to bring all tools and toys they expect to use or scene with to the facility with them. Many facilities provide unusual or interesting tables, racks, benches, slings, and other apparatus which may be used as part of a scene with the approval of the host or hostess. The guesting Dominant and submissive should be adequately prepared to provide additional materials to provide for cleanliness. This topic is covered in greater depth in the article titled the Toy Box. It is inappropriate to touch, handle or use any other person's equipment or toys without the specific approval of the owner of the equipment. If you notice upon returning home that you have come into the possession of unfamiliar toys or equipment do call your host or hostess and notify them of the occurrence and make suitable arrangements to return the objects to the facility or directly to their proper owner.

Sometimes public scenes can get very involved with multiple Dominants and submissives scening in the same area. This type of close contact or mingled scenes can be enormously exciting for those involved, at times this level of excitement may affect the personal judgment of those involved or even those looking on as spectators. It is important to remember that in-scene submissives are solely responsible for the direction of their personal Dominant and that any in-scene touching, scening or playing with any submissive not your own is considered not only rude but non-consensual and is sufficient and just cause for the offender to be physically removed from the facility immediately.

The unattached submissives present are not fair game for any roaming Dominant. Every submissive should be treated with courtesy and respect with their implicit rights honored and respected. It is equally inappropriate for submissives to surround or present themselves en masse to available Dominants. A submissive should remember that watching a scene may be sufficient to propel them into subspace and impair their judgment. They may feel a rush or empathic responses to a given scene and may connect or in-scene bond to a Dominant during the execution of a scene. This Dominant may be completely unknown to them and therefore cannot know their hard or soft limits. It is generally inappropriate to 'pickup' a submissive in such a condition using their vulnerability for the usage which may be only borderline consensual.

Remember that there are probably going to be people in attendance with all levels of experience and expertise. It is not proper for you to offer an opinion about another person's manner, dress or behavior, nor should you assume that if a submissive is naked that this is an invitation for you to touch them or in any way be disrespectful of them. Many Dominants laud themselves as experts with various toys or equipment however it is never appropriate to give another Dominant in-scene direction unless that Dominant invites you into their scene specifically to do so.

Many private Dungeons do provide separate bedroom facilities (usually for rent) for those whose scenes progress toward intimate sexual contact. The exchange of body fluids is generally strictly prohibited in-scene. Inquire in advance if you wish to make use of such space so that your host or hostess can make adequate arrangements for the area to be available when you require it.

Some private Dungeons are so small that only a few scenes may occur at any given time. If this is the case there is sometimes a list that allocates certain specific time frames for each scening couple or group. Ask your host or hostess if this is the evening plan and if so immediately check the schedule to note your own scene time and what limits that time frame may present for you.

When in doubt - be courteous. Good manners are always appropriate especially in the event of unexpected situations where you are unsure of what to do or say. See also Etiquette and/or Protocol

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