Signs of spousal abuse
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In a recent column by Jeanne Phillips, a reader asked what are the signs of spousal abuse.
Her response follows
- Pushers for quick involvement
- Comes on strong, claiming, "I have never felt like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
- Jealousy
- Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks on the mileage of your car.
- Controlling
- Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all monies; insists US permission to go anywhere or do anything.
- Unrealistic expectations
- Expects you to be the perfect woman and meet his every need.
- Isolation
- tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble"; the user may deprive you of a phone or car try to prevent you from holding a job.
- Blames others for problems and mistakes
- it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.
- Makes everyone else responsible for his or her feelings
- the abuser says, "you make me angry" instead of, "I am angry" versus "you're hurting me by not doing what I tell you".
- Hypersensitivity
- is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just part of life.
- Cruelty to animals and two children
- kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (which the three-year-old wearing a diaper) or Métis eventually cry. 65% of abusers who beat partner will also abuse children.
- "Playful" use of force during sex
- Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; and finds the idea of rape exciting.
- Verbal abuse
- constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, and curses, calls you weenies. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.
- Rigid gender roles
- expects you to serve, obey and remain her home.
- Sudden mood swings
- switches from sweet to violet and a matter of minutes.
- Past battering
- admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says they made he (or her) do it.
- Threats of violence
- says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you." And then dismisses them with "everybody talks that way" or "I didn't really mean it"
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