Signs of spousal abuse

In a recent column by Jeanne Phillips, a reader asked what are the signs of spousal abuse. Her response follows

Pushers for quick involvement

Comes on strong, claiming, "I have never felt like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

Jealousy

Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks on the mileage of your car.

Controlling

Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all monies; insists US permission to go anywhere or do anything.

Unrealistic expectations

Expects you to be the perfect woman and meet his every need.

Isolation

tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble"; the user may deprive you of a phone or car try to prevent you from holding a job.

Blames others for problems and mistakes

it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.

Makes everyone else responsible for his or her feelings

the abuser says, "you make me angry" instead of, "I am angry" versus "you're hurting me by not doing what I tell you".

Hypersensitivity

is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just part of life.

Cruelty to animals and two children

kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (which the three-year-old wearing a diaper) or Métis eventually cry. 65% of abusers who beat partner will also abuse children.

"Playful" use of force during sex

Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; and finds the idea of rape exciting.

Verbal abuse

constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, and curses, calls you weenies. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.

Rigid gender roles

expects you to serve, obey and remain her home.

Sudden mood swings

switches from sweet to violet and a matter of minutes.

Past battering

admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says they made he (or her) do it.

Threats of violence

says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you." And then dismisses them with "everybody talks that way" or "I didn't really mean it"

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