Assertiveness
Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive to defend a right point of view or a relevant statement. In the field of psychology and psychotherapy, it is a skill that can be learned and a mode of communication. Dorland's Medical Dictionary defines assertiveness as:
- "a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view."
Assertiveness is a communication skill that can be taught and the skills of assertive communication effectively learned.
Assertiveness is a method of critical thinking, where an individual speaks up in defense of their views or in light of erroneous information. Assertive people are able to be outspoken and analyze information and point out areas of information lacking substance, details or evidence. Assertiveness supports creative thinking and effective communication.
The level of assertiveness demonstrated in any human community is a factor of social and cultural practices at the time of inquiry. These factors can evolve with time and may vary from a community to another one. For example, nowadays, in the western world, there are global public discussions about controversial topics such as drug addiction, rape and sexual abuse of women and children, which were not openly discussed in 1940.
During the second half of the 20th century, assertiveness was increasingly singled out as a behavioral skill taught by many personal development experts, behavior therapists, and cognitive behavioral therapists. Assertiveness is often linked to self-esteem. The term and concept was popularized to the general public by books such as 'Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Behavior' (1970) by Robert Eating.
Training
Joseph Wolpe initially explored the use of assertiveness as a means of "reciprocal inhibition" of anxiety, in his 1958 book on treating neurosis; and it has since been commonly employed as an intervention in behavior therapy. Assertiveness Training ("AT") was introduced by Andrew Salter (1961) and popularized by Joseph Wolpe. Wolpe's belief was that a person could not be both assertive and anxious at the same time, and thus being assertive would inhibit anxiety. The goals of assertiveness training include:
- increased awareness of personal rights
- differentiation between non-assertiveness and assertiveness
- differentiation between passive–aggressiveness and aggressiveness
- learning both verbal and non-verbal assertiveness skills.
As a communication style and strategy, assertiveness is thus distinguished from both aggression and passivity. How people deal with personal boundaries, including their own and those of other people, helps to distinguish between these three concepts. Passive communicators are not likely to try to influence anyone else because they fear social conflict. Because of this fear, passive communicators do not defend their own personal boundaries or ideas, and thus allow aggressive people to abuse or manipulate them. Additionally, they often hold in negative feelings such as anger because they allow this domination to happen. Aggressive people do not respect the personal boundaries of others and thus are liable to harm others by influencing them through personal attacks often taking the form of embarrassment. A person communicates assertively by clearly stating their thoughts and/or feelings in a nonaggressive manner, often in an effort to influence others; doing so in a way that respects the personal boundaries of the other person, or people, involved and avoids negative confrontation. Assertive people are also willing to defend themselves against aggressive people.
Communication
Assertive communication involves respect for the boundaries of oneself and others. It also presumes an interest in the fulfillment of needs and wants through cooperation.
According to the textbook 'Cognitive Behavior Therapy' (2008), "Assertive communication of personal opinions, needs, and boundaries has been ... conceptualized as the behavioral middle ground, lying between ineffective passive and aggressive responses". Such communication "emphasizes expressing feelings forthrightly, but in a way that will not spiral into aggression".
If others' actions threaten one's boundaries, one communicates this to prevent escalation.
In contrast, "aggressive communication" judges, threatens, lies, breaks confidences, stonewalls, and violates others' boundaries.
At the opposite end of the dialectic is "passive communication". Victims may passively permit others to violate their boundaries. At a later time, they may come back and attack with a sense of impunity or righteous indignation.
Assertive communication attempts to transcend these extremes by appealing to the shared interest of all parties; it "focuses on the issue, not the person". Aggressive and/or passive communication, on the other hand, may mark a relationship's end, and reduce self-respect.
Characteristics
Assertive people tend to have the following characteristics:
- They feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and desires.
- They are "also able to initiate and maintain comfortable relationships with [other] people"
- They know their rights.
- They have control over their anger. This does not mean that they repress this feeling. It means that they control anger and talk about it in a reasoning manner.
- "Assertive people ... are willing to compromise with others, rather than always wanting their own way ... and tend to have good self-esteem".
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