Alan Selby
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This article is part of 'The Legends Project'
As part of the "Legends Project", Alan Selby has been recognized as an BDSM Icon |
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Alan Selby (1929 - 2004)
Alan came to San Francisco in 1979 to open Mr. S. Leather Company here. He did his first benefit at Chaps Bar in 1982 for Shanti, and joined The AIDS Emergency Fund Board Of Directors in the same year, staying on that board for 6 1/2 years. In 1983 he started as a volunteer on the AIDS Ward at SF General Hospital, and is still there. In 1999 Alan joined The Board of Directors of the Stop Aids Project. He was awarded the honor of being the First Daddy Of the Year of Daddy's Bar. Alan was also very honored to have the fund for the Leather Archives and Museum in Chicago named after him. He expressed his wish that the the Selby Fund continues to raise a lot of money for this great cause.
Official "Alan Selby Memorial" page( X Site down 08/20 R/ )
Alan and I had many hours of conversation and an ungoing banter as to which of us would top the other. Many, many of the BackDrop staff members bought "toys" and clothes from his shop, and even though gay, he never turned down a chance to give one of the girls a playful slap on the fanny.
/Robin
Alan Selby -- beloved leader in leather community
- 'Daddy Alan' is remembered for gregarious, generous spirit
- Julian Guthrie, Chronicle Staff Writer
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Alan Selby, a leader in San Francisco's leather community who was a relentless fund-raiser and an incorrigible flirt, died at his home in San Francisco last week, surrounded by friends. He was 75 years old and succumbed to complications from emphysema.
Mr. Selby, known to fellow leather aficionados as "Daddy Alan," combined a sense of fun and social grace with a steely determination to raise money for AIDS causes and improve the lives of those afflicted with the disease. He was a longtime volunteer in the AIDS ward at San Francisco General Hospital and served on numerous boards, including the STOP AIDS Project.
"He was a legend in the leather community," said his friend and roommate Tony Koester. "I have never seen anyone with his sense of compassion. He was gregarious, flattering and a true gentleman -- who very much liked the boys."
San Francisco Supervisor Bevan Dufty said Mr. Selby "set the standard in terms of raising money for AIDS and other charitable causes" in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community.
Assemblyman Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, met Mr. Selby in the early 1980s and was immediately impressed by his charitable deeds.
"Few have done more to support and encourage community-based AIDS-service organizations than Alan," Leno said. "It was through his infectious spirit and energy that he inspired and sustained so many through the especially painful early years of the epidemic."
Mr. Selby, born in London, arrived in San Francisco in the early 1970s when the leather scene was in its heyday. After opening the Mr. S Leather store on Seventh Street near Folsom Street, Mr. Selby became active in the community, raising money and awareness. He served as a mentor to those interested in the leather lifestyle and was an early proponent of safe sex.
As founder of the annual San Francisco Leather Daddy contest, Mr. Selby was the city's original Leather Daddy. He set the standard for the pageant, requiring contestants to show an ability to raise money and look great in leather.
"His heart was in the right place," said Marcus Hernandez, a columnist with the Bay Area Reporter who has covered the leather scene for 30 years. "He was a mentor to young people and nurturing to the down and out. He raised thousands and thousands of dollars for the community."
Hernandez said the term "Daddy" applies to people who are "knowledgeable and experienced" and make sure leather neophytes stay safe.
"I'd heard about Alan Selby long before I met him," Koester said. "I was new to the leather scene. I sought him out as a mentor and we became friends. I wanted to learn more about what it was like having leather sex, wearing leather and about the history behind the leather subculture. He became a great friend. And, he taught me how to become a good fund-raiser."
As a volunteer at San Francisco General, Mr. Selby sat with patients, did massage therapy and "held a lot of hands," Koester said.
He once asked his friend where the compassion came from. "He told me it was something that he couldn't wait for someone else to do," Koester said. "This was a time when a lot of these kids who were dying didn't have family around. I remember Alan telling me a story about a kid he took care of who told him he was more afraid of letting his parents know he was gay than he was of dying."
Long after the AIDS ward at San Francisco General closed, Mr. Selby continued to volunteer, delivering clothing to those in need. A week before he died May 2, Mr. Selby attended the AIDS Emergency Fund's gala dinner. He hadn't missed the event in 20 years and, despite his weakened condition, wasn't about to miss this one, Koester said.
Friends ask that donations be made to one of his favorite causes, such as the STOP AIDS Project, 2128 15th St., San Francisco, CA 94114; or the AIDS Emergency Fund, 965 Mission St., Suite 630, San Francisco, CA 94103.
A celebration of Mr. Selby's life will be held May 22 from 2 p.m. to 7 p. m. at the S.F. Eagle Tavern at 12th and Harrison streets in San Francisco.
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