Treating (dating)

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In the social context of dating, treating refers to the practice of providing companionship and intimate activities in exchange for entertainment outings, gifts, and other items of monetary value. This activity was prevalent in large urban areas of the United States from the 1890s to the 1940s and was most commonly practiced by young working-class women. As treating became more widespread, it acquired the label "charity," and the young women who participated in the more risqué aspects of this practice were often referred to as charity girls.

Although some reformers in the early 20th century equated treating with prostitution, the young women who engaged in this activity strongly rejected that view and made clear distinctions between the two. As social dating between the sexes became more common in the 1920s, treating began to merge with the dating system, and by the 1940s, the specific terminology of treating had largely faded away.

Etymology and usage

The term "treating" originated as a political concept, where "providing" was understood as a way to influence others and secure advantages. In contemporary language, it typically refers to the act of offering food, drink, and entertainment to individuals or groups at no cost. The verb's social usage is thought to have emerged in the male-dominated environments of saloons, where individuals would treat one another to rounds of drinks. Around the turn of the nineteenth century, young working-class women, in search of language for their interactions and bartering with young men, adopted this term. Similar to saloon activities, the phrase "to treat" developed to signify the act of a man providing something to a woman, with women being the recipients of the "treat."

Origin

Treating emerged with the advent of leisure time in the late nineteenth century. It appeared around the same period when affordable amusements in cities provided working-class men and women with opportunities to experience new facets of city life away from cramped tenements and noisy, oppressive workplaces. For young women, the challenge was how to afford the new entertainment options, and one solution that arose was treating.

In the late 19th century, inexpensive entertainment venues such as public dance halls, amusement parks, and nickelodeon movie theaters emerged and flourished in large American cities. At the same time, changing societal mores allowed more young women, who previously needed to be escorted in public, greater freedom to go out on their own or in same-sex groups. Although these affordable amusements were a significant draw, going out still posed challenges for young working-class women due to their low wages, a portion of which was often given to support their families. This financial struggle was addressed in various ways: some women refrained from going out altogether or limited their outings to special occasions, while others relied on friends or male counterparts to fund their entertainment. Inevitably, as more young women began to go out regularly, some found it necessary to depend on males for their enjoyment. As a result, the practice of treating emerged among young working-class women.

Bartered exchange

The practice of treating ranged from innocent bartered exchanges to more scandalous ones. It was considered a harmless activity when conducted between a “steady” couple and more risqué when performed casually. Often, the treating exchange involved a tacit understanding with nuanced communication. However, even with minimal communication, young women understood they were somewhat indebted to the men who treated them. Like any interaction between a couple, whether tacit or overt, sometimes it went smoothly with both parties pleased with the outcome; other times, it did not. Occasionally, when men were tricked by women who left after a meal or an evening out, the exchange became more direct, such as a man asking explicitly what he would receive in return. Unlike prostitution, the treating exchange did not guarantee that the man would get what he wanted.

Young women seeking more from the exchange—clothes, shoes, jewelry, or bill payments—often engaged in the more risqué forms of treating. This might have involved, for example, being picked up from a dance hall or other venue and providing companionship for the evening, sometimes extending to sexual favors. The women participating in these risqué activities were known as charity girls. Cash was rarely involved in the treating transaction; it was viewed as an aspect of prostitution. The young women participating in treating did not identify as prostitutes and, in fact, made sharp distinctions between the two, yet they often walked a fine line between being treated and being compensated for their intimate activities.

Treating was predominantly practiced by young working-class women. It was seldom embraced by young women of middle or upper-class means, as members of those classes generally could afford their own entertainments. This activity was largely confined to the large urban areas of the United States, where cities housed the entertainment venues and offered, as well, a degree of anonymity from prying family members and watchful neighbors. Treating differed from gold digging in that it primarily served as a dating practice aimed at enjoying the entertainments and pleasures of city life while perhaps acquiring some desired personal items. While some women took "charity" a step further, finding a wealthy man to marry or becoming a mistress was generally not the goal of the treating exchange.

Societal problem

As the practice of treating by young women became more widely known, it drew the attention of reformers and vice squads who were concerned about the activity. Some considered it nothing less than outright prostitution. Entertainment venues, such as dance halls, where young men and women interacted, came under close scrutiny. The taxi-dance halls, where young women hostesses could be danced with for a modest sum per dance- usually ten cents- particularly irritated reformers, resulting in the shutdown of some venues.

Treating in popular culture

The protagonist of the Broadway musical* Sweet Charity*, Charity Hope Valentine, is a taxi dancer and likely a charity girl. In the show, the title character is overly "charitable" yet has a heart of gold. The musical was later adapted into a film of the same name, directed by Bob Fosse.

In Truman Capote's Breakfast at Tiffany's, the dating activities of protagonist Holly Golightly closely resemble treating. She is unemployed, so to support her lifestyle in New York City, she must rely on gifts and assistance from the men in her life. In a March 1968 interview with Playboy, Capote asserted that Holly was not a prostitute, instead labeling her and other young women like her as "authentic American geishas." He noted that "if [Holly] felt like it, she might take her escort home for the night." Capote, who wrote Breakfast at Tiffany's in the late 1950s, may not have realized that the behavior he attributed to Holly was previously known as treating, as the earlier terminology had largely vanished from the American vernacular by then. In 1961, the novella was adapted into a film of the same name, directed by Blake Edwards and featuring Audrey Hepburn as 'Holly'.

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