Safe calls

It is often quipped that even paranoids have real enemies, but it doesn't cost anything to be a little cautious. Don't take chances with your mental, physical, and emotional health.

As Susan used to say,

“

When you go on a date, you may feel vulnerable. When you go some place to meet someone interested in BDSM, you will be vulnerble!

”

A person going to a BDSM meeting should contact a third party and let them know where you are going, who you will be meeting, and when you are expected home. It is not unreasonable to establish a Safe Call system even if you will be the Master or Mistress.

The following information should be given to the person receiving your safe calls

• Your full name
• Your home address and phone number
• Make, model, color, and license plate number of your car if you are driving yourself, or
• Detailed information (flight numbers and times, rental car information, etc.) if you are using other transportation

All the information you have on person you are meeting, including

• Their full name and screenname(s) or logon ID(s)
• Address and phone number(s)
• Age, description, any other information you might have.

Pass on to your safe call person(s)

• Where you are meeting
• The name of place you are meeting
• The address of the meeting place, including applicable room or apartment numbers and phone number (if you do not have it ahead of time, give it during first phone call)
• When you are meeting - time and date
• The phone number for the local Police Department in the town you are visiting

Be sure to have agreed and understood codewords for your safe call, one indicating that everything is ok, and one indicating that you need help.

• A first phone call should be made just before your meeting.
• A second phone call should be made within 30 minutes of your arrival.
• If your meeting is expected to run for an extended time, a call should be made every 2 hours.
• The last phone call should be made as soon as you leave your meeting.

Establish a "Panic Phrase"

• If you question "how the kids are doing" might be use to indicate that you might want the help, or talking about the weather is a sign that everything might be "threatening or stormy".

Best Practices from BDSMwiki.info

The following recommendations will not work in all circumstances but consider using them as a template to help keep your meetings safe.

• Always ensure an exit strategy is in place in case things become non-consensual. Be sure to assertively communicate your boundaries, if you can't, you probably aren't ready for BDSM.

• Give the following to your safe call partner: Your full name, Your home address and phone number, make, model, color, and license plate number of your car if you are driving yourself, or detailed information (flight numbers and times, rental car information, etc.) if you are using other transportation. Also, provide them with where you are meeting, the name of the place you are meeting, the address of the meeting place, including applicable room or apartment numbers and phone number (if you do not have it ahead of time, give it during first phone call or text), when you are meeting - time and date, the phone number for the local Police Department in the town you are visiting.

• Ask for references. See if the person you are meeting has anyone who will vouch for them, especially someone you might mutually know.

• Do not agree to sex or play before meeting.

• Obtain a copy of the person you are meeting's photo ID and license plate number before scheduling a meeting, this can be achieved easily with most cell phones. Give this information to your safe call. If you don't get the person you are meeting's pertinent data contained on the photo ID and license plate, at least give your safe call the name, age, description, any photos and other information you might have about the person you are meeting.

• Meet a potential new partner during the day in a public area where lots of by-standards will be, such as a coffee shop. Meeting someone in a private space decreases your safety in case something goes wrong.

• Arrive early at your public location such as at a coffee shop and inform the waitstaff that the person you are meeting is not your significant other and that if you become unresponsive they are not to let you leave with them, and instead must call for emergency help. Be sure to leave a good tip if they are happy to help!

• Never leave something you intend to ingest unattended. Eat your fill before retiring to the bathroom or otherwise removing your eyes from your meal and drink as this opens an opportunity for a predator to drug these items.

• Keep an eye out for a large number of red flags. One red flag on your list may be alright, but a consecutive series of them showing up in a short amount of time on your first meeting likely means you have met someone that doesn't meet your specific criteria for a partner and that makes you uncomfortable, trust your instincts.

• Never change location without informing your safe call, to include walking to your car in a dark parking lot. Avoid changing location entirely. When you must change location, inform your safe call of the new location you are setting out to and when you expect to arrive, then also report when you have safely arrived. You may want to include a silent alarm in this step.

• Keep in regular texting communication with your safe call when reasonably possible and not rude to your date.

• Try and have fun meeting someone new, not everyone you will meet is a predator out to cause harm. If your potential partner is a well balanced individual, chances are in most cases they won't have much difficulty indulging your minor requests to help put you at ease about your first meeting.

Software

There is currently software that helps assist with safecalls such as Kitestring[1] which is a phone app that states "are you going out for a walk at night by yourself? Tell us when you expect to be back. If you're not back by that time, we'll send you a text telling you we're going to text your emergency contacts. If you don't reply to that text, we'll text your emergency contacts.".

Jump to: Main Page • Micropedia • Macropedia • Icons • Time Line • History • Life Lessons • Links • Help
Chat rooms • What links here • Copyright info • Contact information • Category:Root